This ride is REALLY fast - Can you let me off at the next stop?

Boys Meet Girl	She hasn't kissed dating goodbye - 'cause she's saving it for you

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Posted by: EnemiedWithMyself Original: 4/7/2008 12:09 PM Views: 55 Comments: 2 eProps: 4 Read Comments Post a Comment Back to Your Xanga Site

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Monday, April 07, 2008

This ride is REALLY fast - Can you let me off at the next stop?

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Wow... God is doing sooooo much in my lives and the lives around me right now it's a little hard to keep up.

I moved out of my house, moved caregroups, am getting to know a new household, new rules, new standards, new ways of dealing with things, I am learning new walking routes and ways to get places, the relationships in my life are shifting around at alarming rates, and God is doing like MAJOR shakedown, tear apart killing lies replacing with truth surgery on my heart - IN THE SPAN OF A WEEK! *lol*

Needless to say - being Didi - I am a little emotional right now. :-p But, God is SO intentional in all of this, so purposeful, it feels REALLY fast and semi out of control to me, but He is COMPLETELY in control and He is controlling the speed of life and the things that are happening and He is LOVING AND KIND in this!

This morning I realized really strongly that I am single right now BECAUSE He loves me. Most of my friends are in relationships right now because He loves THEM. AAAAAND...they are my friends, ie MY friends are all in relationships, because He loves ME! He was so kind to make me aware that I have been believing lies again. Believing that my friends were receiving good and I was a few steps behind, but it's not like that. I am not single because I am immature or fat or ungodly or any of the other reasons I give myself - I am single because God is GOOD! I am single because He is kind and gracious and merciful to me - and He is doing GOOD in my life through singleness. Good and work and change that would not be best done through a relationship.

The other thing I realized that was really REALLY good for me to be made aware of, but hard in some ways too, was that my craving for a relationship isn't rooted in a desire to serve another. It isn't even rooted in a desire to have a baby or any of that... it's rooted in a desire to have someone love me more than anyone else. To have ONE person who will say "Didi, I want love and desire you more than any other person on the planet." And.. God was SOOOOO kind to reveal that to me. To show me how UGLY my desires are AAAAAND how they are impossible to fill my ANYONE other than Him. Wow. HE loves me perfectly and will NEVER love any other human more than He loves me. And... I am 100% safe in that and NEVER have to fear He will divorce me or leave me or "fall more in love" with someone other than me. And even the most Godly amazing wonderful guy will never love me perfectly or sinlessly. A human being cannot ONLY God can.

AND GOD DOES!!!!!!!!!!!